to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
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