time to smoke my breakfast
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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