Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
