I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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