you would pick up someone in the library
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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