I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I didn't notice because vodka
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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