fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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