I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
