i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
