We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
