yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
