somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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