Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
