Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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