All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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