I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
