Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
BRING THE BAGELS
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
