So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
