So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
