Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Semen is not good for contacts.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
