If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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