i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
