They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
