She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
