why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
