I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
