Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
