Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
