so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
