tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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