I have demons in me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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