i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
