Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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