please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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