so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
