The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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