So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
