remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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