He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
