The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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