So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
