can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
