I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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