My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
