dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
