There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
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Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
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The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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