u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
