he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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