my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I smell like Dick and happiness
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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