my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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