The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
