I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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