I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We got so high we made milksteak
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
