so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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