I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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