she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's blow job season.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I didn't notice because vodka
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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