Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
