You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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