The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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