I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
