I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
