I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
