Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
