Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
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Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
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I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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