he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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