a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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