i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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