I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
