she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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