My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
