The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
