Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
