the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
