My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
