He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
