Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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