If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
