this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
