It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
