I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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