my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize