pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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