we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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