True but thats because hes a fetus.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
