booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
no you cant smoke seaweed
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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