my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
