dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize