I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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