So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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